Connection

A few recent experiences have got me thinking again about the nature of interpersonal connection.

I was going to post here (or LinkedIn) to reflect on the all-encompassing nature of a work event. Being face-to-face (for me – it was also hybrid), 14 hours-ish days for a week and in a new environment (my first trip to India) meant this led to connection changes at an emotional level. This trip deepened existing relationships, built new ones and probably damaged a few too. Part of why I did not do a follow-up post was two weeks of (Covid?) sickness that followed the event. I was also struggling to articulate the benefits of such an event whilst not ignoring my own views on the power of online tools for connection building. I think most people attending the event would agree that the in-person nature amplified outcomes. However, as is the often the case with in-person training, meetings, conferences, etc. this amplification often comes from social time, coffee breaks, etc. that are too often ignored in online environments. Indeed, I even had a conversation with an attendee of one of my sessions on how we could capture just some of the same energy into online learning environments. Now, as someone with an online learning background, I argued that such energy can be captured online. However, it is difficult and time needs to be given to the design and intended outcomes (just as the hours that had gone into the in-person event).

Since that trip to India, I watched the documentary “The Remarkable Life of Ibelin“. I will start with a warning that the documentary is a tear-jerker and the rest of this blog post will be spoiler filled…

The documentary starts with the concerns of parents whose son has died aged 25. He has suffered from a condition that restricted his ability to perform activities that most us would consider “everyday”. His parents are particularly concerned that he does not have a group of friends (from school or elsewhere) during this time and that he, in their eyes, withdrew from life by playing World of Warcraft around 12 hours a day. However, they soon realize that many other players considered him their friend. What is remarkable on the topic of connection, is the impact this man had on the lives of others via only text chat and activities in the game world. This reminded me that lasting and impactful relationships are certainly not restricted to in-person activities and that we should not assume everyone has a preference for one medium over an other. As a side note, the bespoke kit that allowed him to do this, even as his muscular condition worsened, deserves a lot of credit as an example of assistive technology.

Then, in the last few days, I have finally met a colleague (from another organization) in-person after over a year of working together. They might disagree, but I would say we already had a good working relationship, had met deadlines, knew each other a bit, connected not just with each other but with others, etc. So, why then do I still tend to say I have “met” someone when I have met them in-person rather than “talked” if it is someone I have met virtually (email, Zoom, Teams, etc.). Perhaps I am an old-fashioned and my language here would not be what others would consider using. In this regard, I am reminded of a documentary I saw about Twitch and how some of the participants described the platform as equivalent to having those same friends in a living room with them.

Another reason I was slow to post about India was that I was not entirely sure on the conclusion. Indeed, I am not sure if there’s really a conclusion to this extended post either. Perhaps one take-away is that in-person activity can lead to a rapid acceleration of connection due to heightened emotion, also impacting on memory through sensory stimulation. However, long last relationships can be built digitally and should be maintained via those routes. Risks of non-engagement or lack of connection exist in all situations (in-person, hybrid and remote) meaning a remaining importance for human skills of facilitating, event design, etc. in our increasingly AI-powered social and workplace settings.